i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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