Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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