Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
