im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
