I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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