It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
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we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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