OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize