I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
