he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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