a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He passed out mid-signature
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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