turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
