the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
