Duck Duck Cougar?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
