I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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