totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
