I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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