My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm sobbing to NWA
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
