Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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