1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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