After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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