Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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