I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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