I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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