I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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