I think I died a long time ago.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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