I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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