The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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