Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
