Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
This house was built for laser tag.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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