you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
