I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
