I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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