I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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