I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
