we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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