is your mom at the bar?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
