Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
