Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
