I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
