Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
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how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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