If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
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Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
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I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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