a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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