Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
