Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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