My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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