Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
