it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't deserve a penis
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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