Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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