if you like me you must not know who I am
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
