it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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