I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
