we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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