just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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