So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
