Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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