If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
