I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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