i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
