The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
is it fun? or sober?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
