It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
