I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
