No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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